When asked about what living means to me I’d been saying for years now: having fun. It’s as simple as that. And why would this be my life vision? Simply, we die.
Since I was six years old I constantly thought about death. There wasn’t any traumatic event happening in my life. My pets were all alive or I didn’t track them (I had thirteen cats rummaging outside, couldn’t keep track of them even if I wanted), my grandparents all lived with the exception of my grandmother from my mother’s side who died when I was two years old. I have no recollection of her whatsoever. Never did. And none of my friends from back then had any accidents.
I simply thought one day that people die and I will as well at some point. It was a scary thought back then, but I soon redirected my thoughts to the reality surrounding me. I was young. I still had a lot of phases to go through, I wasn’t even in school. I had to start school, and that looked like an eternity. I had to go to high-school, then university and then start working. Every step seemed like forever for me so, in the end, growing old and dying was a thought left to be processed at a “later date”.
But why bother if that’s still going to happen, if we think about it or not? There’s really no point in embracing this life that much and, as such, I decided I want to participate in life but not fully commit to it.
That was set in my mind early on in my development. Nobody talked about it, nobody even thought that is what’s on my mind. And I’m sure nobody suspects even now. So I was the kind of person that was enthusiastic, but not overly hyped. I liked to play, be part of the “gang”, but I wouldn’t commit to anything one hundred percent. If there was something at school children were encouraged to participate in, I would join in, but keep my distance. I didn’t like confrontation either. What’s the point proving you’re right in some minor topic? It’ll be all forgotten while I’ll just use up my emotional energy, something I didn’t take as an infinite pool of.
While I was being quiet and aloof, people around me looked to be in a totally different state. They fought, they hoped, they were way more involved in this thing called “life” than me. My mother always pushed me. To study, to do my homework, to… I don’t know, be more alive. She had a tougher life than me and I understand where she was coming from, but my life wasn’t like that. I had a roof over my head even if sometimes it was cold in the house. That’s just how it was and I didn’t mind, there were always solutions (blankets). I had food on my plate and even if it weren’t the most glamorous or tasty meals, it was enough for me. I wasn’t the kind of person to complain, just give me a bit of the basic life necessities and I was happy.
Over time I couldn’t see being involved helped. I saw my parents, relatives and friends fall into a normal life, even exceptional colleagues ended up having normal jobs, going home and some even having families. To the dismay of my teacher who had high expectations.
In general you can achieve pretty much everything if you put effort into it, that’s no mystery. But that’s not what destiny means, that’s not something extraordinary. That’s just how things go. Exceptional is when you do nothing and get to be first. That’s what it's all about being something different.
With that in mind and with that attitude, I can’t say I failed in any way in life. I got the same everyone else got. If I could say anything about achieving things in life it is probably that what set me back was exactly trying to achieve something. For instance, I put a lot of effort into one of my jobs, only to fail some 10 years later because the owners didn’t really know how to handle the business and didn’t listen to my advice. My family life is a mess because I tried too much to butt in and help my wife and her family. Probably a more normal person would’ve quit the job and the relationship earlier and certainly would have been better off.
So, from all my experience, I can definitely say that taking things easy and doing what’s fun is one hundred percent worth it. Doing what you like and stopping when it isn’t fun anymore is certainly “the way”. And it doesn’t even have to be dramatic, you can always say to your boss or girlfriend you’re looking for something else and that it was great the time you shared. I certainly don’t regret the jobs I outright quit or the girls I told I didn’t want to see again. Even if right in the moment I felt bad and that I was, possibly, selfish, now, after years and years I’m very happy I did that.